What is sensory overload? Well I have not done much research on the "technicals" yet but let me tell you what I have been going through. Sound. Everything is so loud! Loud and mixed up! I sometimes can not tell where the sound is coming from, someone talking to me from 2 feet away sounds just as loud as someone talking on the other side of the room, or, vise-versa.
You know how in the movies when someone is going crazy and all the voices around them get louder and louder and more and more overlapped? That is exactly what this is like but all day! Noise canceling headphones help a tad but not enough. Sudden loud noises make me jump, I never used to jump, now I jump at every little sound, in fact, it is so bad that I recently jumped and spilled boiling water on myself because my father walked in the kitchen and simply spoke to me. Sometimes I can hear things that others can not and not in a crazy kind of way. I can hear the TV on upstairs behind a closed door, oh wait, I mean it is on but nothing is playing. For example, I can hear the high pitched sound of the tubes in the TV, so I say, “I think a TV is on upstairs” and everyone thinks I am crazy but then they check upstairs behind a closed door and I am right. It sounds so loud to me yet they can not even hear it!
Everything bugs me, my sense of feeling, it is so sensitive, so when something is brushing on my skin, it drives me nuts! Temperature sucks! Always too hot or too cold! All the while I am still numb, weird. I could take a blade, cut my hand open, and feel just fine. That is not to say I do not feel pain because I do. Pain killers help no more. Pain and numbness, a lovely combination.
Anyways, back to the sensory junk. So it is obviously a mental thing because I can not relax. It's like my mind is always racing, like I always feel panicked, rushed. My heart is even racing right now as I write with my headphones on alone in the corner of Starbucks. What is my BP? 85... Fine... It feels like 110! I feel as though I am tangled in a hundred feet of rope and if I do not get out of it in 10 seconds I will light on fire. 10, 9, 8, imagine the feeling cuz' that's how I feel. Tangled. It's overwhelming, it feels like stress but it is not the same. My chest feels crushed, I feel like I can barely breath! How am I to just relax and take in a deep breath? Dark shower? Classical music? Candle light? Nope. I can not calm down. Racing, racing, racing. I thought it was the Nuvigil but I have not been on that for weeks and this feeling is back!
I hate the shaking. I am trying to type and my hand will jump to the right causing me to hit the wrong key. Sometimes I shake like I am cold. Next minute I feel hot. This is all just miserable and it is getting so hard to control it... I can tell I have zero patients and I am so irritable... I just want to be alone in the dark, sensory deprivation, that sounds so nice right now!
Well, sound is my biggest issue, it stresses me out so much! I can not recall what it feels like to not feel stressed, to not feel like a truck is parked on my chest. Some dude just moved a metal trash can, the sound made me jump, even as I watched him, and prepared for the sound, I jumped. I feel hot yet I am shaking. I hate this.Time for some research I think...