I am Loosing Track of Each Second

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Writing freely is becoming harder and harder each day, or so it feels... My memory loss is just so bad, I am loosing track of each second in my life. What happened yesterday? This morning? An hour ago? 5 minutes ago? I do not know and it's so frustrating. I can sit down and spend a few minutes trying to recollect something that should just pop into my mind in a few seconds but that stresses me out and is not always worth it. The other day I could not remember my cats name. I sat down and stared at her for ever, just thinking, thinking, thinking. What was this cats name? Why can I not remember it?? I finally did, Willow, but I wanted to just break down in tears because I was so frustrated with myself. I am 22 and have a memory worse than most grandparents. I wish I could properly explain my frustration.

I need to try that lumocity thing but I keep forgetting (haha) and now that I remember I am out of money... Should get paid soon... I see my neurologist on the 15th and will bring this issue up. I have not looked into it much but I am sure they can give me Adderall or something which I bet would help with fatigue as well. From what I hear students all over the USA are popping that stuff like candy so if I can't get some to try I'll be pretty mad...

Speaking of pills, after a full week, I finally got some Baclofen for my legs... The tightness is gone in my right leg, the tightness that was causing all the pain, so now I have been trying to loosen up my legs to see if I can walk. I can... Which is depressing me... You see, this medication makes me unbelievably tired... I can be walking around after 4 cups of coffee (which I have not had in 2 years) and still be falling asleep as I am walking. So I am depressed because before I was living unknowing if I could walk properly again. I felt that I could but did not know for sure so it was all up to my imagination  which of course painted a pretty nice picture. Thanks to Baclofen I know that I can physically walk when my legs are not tight but the problem is, in order to loosen them up I get so tired that... I can not really walk... It's a loose loose situation. I am interested in trying Ampyra...

Anyways, I have been reading again. It's hard but I am getting better at it and I no longer need my glasses to read. Just hard to follow the lines so I guide myself with my bookmark. Reading "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter" right now because one of my nurses insisted that I did and so far I am liking it. I am liking that I am reading again but it is really making me want to start working on my novel again! I need to re-write the whole thing for so many different reasons but I am not ready for something of that magnitude so I will just be patient... So yeah, I try to read before bed now... Keyword: Try.

Oh yeah, so the other night I slept without the noise of the TV for the first time this year since my first hospital stay in... February? I have always needed some kind of noise to fall asleep and in the hospital they gave me a TV so that kind of became a huge crutch considering I used to be fine with a fan. After I came home I moved a TV in my room and now I can't sleep without it. The other night I aimed to put an end to that so I put some classical music on and took my "sleepy meds" and I slept well... I suppose. But that lasted one night... I guess watching some TV before bed helps me escape for a bit... -SIGH- I hate TV but the Science Channel and the History Channel are OK...

Let's see... Had some family over on Saturday, felt rather sick yesterday, and today? Well so far so good but I'll knock on wood just to be safe... Would like my SSI check already so I can get some printer ink and start working on a personal journal about my life since I am loosing, if not lost, the ability to remember it if I did not write it down. Would also like to get some healthy food to juice and a few other things. Then I will donate some to my fundraiser. I REALLY hope I can get some more donations and spread the word some more! One step at a time, I have to constantly tell myself that, one step at a time.