Then it hit me; it looked close. Close as in distance, not far, it was right there. 2 years and 2 months ago to the day I was sitting in that bench looking across the street at the mailbox I was currently standing in front of. The mailbox seemed so far, the driveway felt so long, getting across seemed like a huge feat. 2 years and 2 months ago this very spot that I was now standing in was a goal. I would walk down the driveway and across the street and get the mail. I did it and at the time it felt so great. My world was confined to the walls of my home on a good day and the walls of a hospital room on a bad day. Crossing the street to the mailbox, it was like crossing a vast portion of the world, it was so far to travel, my neighborhood felt so large.
I have come a long way since then. I have actually traveled abroad and among the USA. I have moved out of state, explored many areas of nature, forests, beaches, mountains, deserts, and after all I have been through and all I have seen I eventually found my way right back here, right to the very spot I stood in 2 years and 2 months ago when I simply wanted to walk. This spot? The world? It felt so small all of a sudden. Crossing the street between where I stood and that bench no longer felt like an expedition. It was… divine. That experience that happened in just a few seconds in my mind. It was like when you spend hours trying to solve a math problem in school that just makes no sense until all of a sudden you find that one single digit that makes everything work; flow. Like finding the final piece to a puzzle you have worked on for so long.
I am far from having my life figured out, I don’t even have much of a clear direction yet, but even still, everything in the last few years, it took me all over the world, I had so many opportunities to start so many different lives, but still, I wound up in the same exact spot I was after the relapse that put me in physical rehabilitation. Why? Whether you believe that life has a sense of divinity or the universe simply tries to balance itself out like a mathematical equation you kind of have to appreciate the fact that sometimes it feels like everything happens for a reason. What is that reason? I have no idea yet but it’s there, I know it, I just can’t see it at the moment. Life always works out the way it is meant to.
Maybe this makes no sense' I am still trying to figure it out. But those are my thoughts.